Questions to ask your grandparents while you still can
Ask about people and places, not dates. “Who lived in your street?” brings back more than “When were you born?”. Ask one question at a time, let silences run, and keep what is said in their own words. Start soon, while they can still tell you.
Before you start
- Tell them why. “I want the children to know where we come from” is a reason most grandparents warm to.
- Bring something to look at. A photograph, a map of where they grew up, a wedding certificate. Pictures bring back names.
- Keep it short. Twenty minutes, often, is better than two hours once.
- Record it, with their agreement, or have someone write it down as they speak. You will not remember the exact words, and the exact words are what you will want.
Questions that bring memories back
Where they grew up
- What was the house like? Who lived there with you?
- Who lived next door, and what were they like?
- What could you see from your bedroom window?
Their parents and grandparents
- What were your grandparents called, and where did they come from?
- What did your father do for a living? Did you ever see him at work?
- What was your mother like when you were small?
- Was anyone in the family spoken of in a lowered voice?
Growing up
- What did you do on a Saturday when you were ten?
- Who was your first friend? Do you know what became of them?
- What was school like? Which teacher do you still remember?
Work, love and moving
- What was your first job, and what did it pay?
- How did you meet Grandad (or Grandma)?
- Why did the family move, and how did you feel about it?
What they would want kept
- What do you want your great-grandchildren to know about you?
- Is there anything you have never been asked about?
How to ask
- Follow the answer, not the list. If a question opens a story, stay with it. The list is there for when the conversation stops.
- Ask for a name and a place whenever a person comes up. “Aunt Nellie” can be found in the records once you know her surname and where she lived.
- Be gentle with hard memories. Wars, deaths and family quarrels come up. Let them say as much or as little as they want, and never press.
- Come back to it. A question asked today often brings an answer next week, once they have had time to think.
Keeping what they tell you
A recording on a phone is a start, but on its own it is hard to use. Write down who was mentioned, and keep each story beside the person it is about, so it can be found again by name. Then check what you can against the records: a census return can confirm the street, the household and the work.
Letting Gene ask
Heirstory can do the asking, with each relative, as often as they like. Gene, an AI genealogist, asks about the people already on the family’s tree, one question at a time, and remembers what was said last time.
- They can simply talk, in a web browser, as they would to someone sitting beside them. When they have said enough for today, they say so.
- A photograph can start it. In a spoken sitting, drop a photograph on the screen, and Gene looks at it and asks about it.
- What they remember is kept as theirs, in their own words, beside the people it is about. The conversation itself stays private.
- You see the cost first. A spoken sitting uses credits by the minute, and shows about how many before it starts.
Questions
What are good questions to ask grandparents about family history?
Ask for their grandparents’ names, where the family came from, what each generation did for work, and why they moved. Ask for a surname and a place whenever someone is mentioned. Those are what lead back into the records.
My grandparent is not good with computers. Can they still do it?
Yes. Invite them, so that what they say is kept as theirs, and sit beside them for the first sitting. Gene does the asking, so all they need to do is talk. You can also ask the questions yourself and add what they tell you.
What if they get something wrong?
Keep it anyway, marked as remembered. Where a record says otherwise, both are kept, and you can see which one the record proves.
Can more than one grandparent be interviewed?
Yes. Each relative has their own conversations with Gene, kept for them alone, and what each remembers joins the same family record.